Announcements
Erica wanted me to email this to y'all but I don't have your email addresses here in 'Bama so I thought I'd just post it instead. For the H'Town Coops, we are having a birthday party for Megan at Mom's house on Saturday, 9/4/04 at 3:00 pm. This will be for her 18th birthday (yes, you read that right) and, if I don't see y'all there, asses will be kicked.
You've been warned.
Secondly, there was a movie that came out about 10 years ago where Quentin Tarantino had a cameo. He was at a party arguing with someone - convincingly too - that "Top Gun" was a gay movie. On the surface it was an action movie about fighter pilots but underneath it was about a man coming to terms with his homosexuality. I can't remember the movie's name but I know y'all know what I'm talking about, it's where we got the immortal line "go the gay way, man." Well, last night I found a website that reviews 80's action movies and points out the gay subtext in all of them. The damned thing is that it's extremely well written and funny as all hell. I laughed so hard that I got a headache. Here's the reviewer's deconstruction of one of my favorite Arnold movies from back then, "Commando:"
When Arnold's old commander comes to tell Die Governator that somebody is killing all of his old men, Schwarzenegger sneaks up behind him and puts a hard gun in his back. The commander says, "Silent and smooth--just like always." Is that what straight men say when another dude sticks 'em with something hard from behind? Didn't think so. Arnold also of course picks up another man by his balls. And, for God knows what reason, Arnold is in a speedo for at least four minutes. Just paddling around in a boat.
But, you can't talk about the amazing gayness of Commando without mentioning Bennett. In fact, if I ever go back to school, I will write a paper detailing how the late twentieth/early twenty-first century embracing of homosexuality stems from Vernon Wells' portrayal of this particular character. After I'm done, West Hollywood will be renamed "Vernon Wells." Where to even start... Bennett spends nearly the entire movie wearing the following outfit:
Leather pants
A black, sleeveless T-shirt
A chain mail vest
A large belt that turns said chain mail into a little skirt
Fingerless leather gloves
A dog chain choker
A flat top
A push broom moustache
A leather belt that he wore around the chain mail vest, making it seem as if he were wearing a skirt.
Basically your standard leather-daddy get up, minus the cop hat. His Australian accent doesn't help things much. But what really sent my gaydar off the chart was the following exchange between Arnold and Mr. Wells:
Arnold: "You can beat me... You want to put a knife in me. Look me in the eyes. See what's going on in there while you turn it. That's what you want to do to me, right? Come on, let the girl go. You and me. Don't deprive yourself of some pleasure. Come on Bennett; let's party."
Bennett: "I don't need the girl--I don't need the girl!!"
If y'all are interested in reading further, and you really should read this guys reviews of the "Rocky" movies - you will piss yourselves - the website is www.ruthlessreviews.com.
You've been warned.
Secondly, there was a movie that came out about 10 years ago where Quentin Tarantino had a cameo. He was at a party arguing with someone - convincingly too - that "Top Gun" was a gay movie. On the surface it was an action movie about fighter pilots but underneath it was about a man coming to terms with his homosexuality. I can't remember the movie's name but I know y'all know what I'm talking about, it's where we got the immortal line "go the gay way, man." Well, last night I found a website that reviews 80's action movies and points out the gay subtext in all of them. The damned thing is that it's extremely well written and funny as all hell. I laughed so hard that I got a headache. Here's the reviewer's deconstruction of one of my favorite Arnold movies from back then, "Commando:"
When Arnold's old commander comes to tell Die Governator that somebody is killing all of his old men, Schwarzenegger sneaks up behind him and puts a hard gun in his back. The commander says, "Silent and smooth--just like always." Is that what straight men say when another dude sticks 'em with something hard from behind? Didn't think so. Arnold also of course picks up another man by his balls. And, for God knows what reason, Arnold is in a speedo for at least four minutes. Just paddling around in a boat.
But, you can't talk about the amazing gayness of Commando without mentioning Bennett. In fact, if I ever go back to school, I will write a paper detailing how the late twentieth/early twenty-first century embracing of homosexuality stems from Vernon Wells' portrayal of this particular character. After I'm done, West Hollywood will be renamed "Vernon Wells." Where to even start... Bennett spends nearly the entire movie wearing the following outfit:
Leather pants
A black, sleeveless T-shirt
A chain mail vest
A large belt that turns said chain mail into a little skirt
Fingerless leather gloves
A dog chain choker
A flat top
A push broom moustache
A leather belt that he wore around the chain mail vest, making it seem as if he were wearing a skirt.
Basically your standard leather-daddy get up, minus the cop hat. His Australian accent doesn't help things much. But what really sent my gaydar off the chart was the following exchange between Arnold and Mr. Wells:
Arnold: "You can beat me... You want to put a knife in me. Look me in the eyes. See what's going on in there while you turn it. That's what you want to do to me, right? Come on, let the girl go. You and me. Don't deprive yourself of some pleasure. Come on Bennett; let's party."
Bennett: "I don't need the girl--I don't need the girl!!"
If y'all are interested in reading further, and you really should read this guys reviews of the "Rocky" movies - you will piss yourselves - the website is www.ruthlessreviews.com.
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