Thanks
Thanks guys. It means a hell of a lot to me to know that I’m not really alone right now.
Mark & Mike, I got both of your voicemails this morning. Please remember that I am one hour ahead of you so that when you call me at 9:00 pm, it’s 10:00 over here. That’s snoring time for me. I will call you both today.
Look, some of you may know that I sort of inherited Dad’s proclivity for depression. We all remember how, whenever Dad would go through one of his funks he would sink into the muck. He wouldn’t work out or do anything but sit around and watch his TV, eating ice cream and drinking whiskey. Dad used to love to talk the tough guy talk but when he could also be the biggest self-pitying crybaby in the world. The worst I saw of this was right around the time that he fired most of the Centex staff and closed the San Antonio office. I am not going to let that happen to me, even though I can feel its pull, if you know what I mean.
There’s not really anything I can do to make myself feel good right now, but I am doing what I can to make myself feel less bad. I’m still working out six days a week (Mikey, I’m still doing the 2 sets of 50 thing). I am also trying to eat right and, perhaps most importantly, get at least 7 hours of sleep every night. To do that without resorting to sleeping medicine, I swim laps at my apartment pool every evening after dinner then take a nice hot shower before bed. It seems to work too as the last few weeks I’ve been able to sleep pretty well. Also, though I’ve never really been much of a drinker, I am not going to let myself fall into the habit of hitting bars all the time. I’m not saying any of this to pat myself on the back either, but to just reassure you guys that I’m okay and that I will get through this process. All of us are familiar with grief and know that there are no shortcuts through it.
I am also doing a lot of deep and intense prayer, every night and I think this is where I’m getting the self-discipline to keep myself on the tracks. At first, I was praying for God to heal my marriage but events over the past few weeks have led me to believe that this is probably not His will. Now I pray for strength and wisdom.
One last thing, guys. Please don’t use this weblog as a forum to slander Erica. She is still my wife and I am doing all I can to keep my heart pried open for her, though I am fast losing hope that she’ll come around. She is also still, and will always be, the mother of my child. I know that you all support me but please don’t express it in a manner that is ugly to her.
I love you all.
Mark & Mike, I got both of your voicemails this morning. Please remember that I am one hour ahead of you so that when you call me at 9:00 pm, it’s 10:00 over here. That’s snoring time for me. I will call you both today.
Look, some of you may know that I sort of inherited Dad’s proclivity for depression. We all remember how, whenever Dad would go through one of his funks he would sink into the muck. He wouldn’t work out or do anything but sit around and watch his TV, eating ice cream and drinking whiskey. Dad used to love to talk the tough guy talk but when he could also be the biggest self-pitying crybaby in the world. The worst I saw of this was right around the time that he fired most of the Centex staff and closed the San Antonio office. I am not going to let that happen to me, even though I can feel its pull, if you know what I mean.
There’s not really anything I can do to make myself feel good right now, but I am doing what I can to make myself feel less bad. I’m still working out six days a week (Mikey, I’m still doing the 2 sets of 50 thing). I am also trying to eat right and, perhaps most importantly, get at least 7 hours of sleep every night. To do that without resorting to sleeping medicine, I swim laps at my apartment pool every evening after dinner then take a nice hot shower before bed. It seems to work too as the last few weeks I’ve been able to sleep pretty well. Also, though I’ve never really been much of a drinker, I am not going to let myself fall into the habit of hitting bars all the time. I’m not saying any of this to pat myself on the back either, but to just reassure you guys that I’m okay and that I will get through this process. All of us are familiar with grief and know that there are no shortcuts through it.
I am also doing a lot of deep and intense prayer, every night and I think this is where I’m getting the self-discipline to keep myself on the tracks. At first, I was praying for God to heal my marriage but events over the past few weeks have led me to believe that this is probably not His will. Now I pray for strength and wisdom.
One last thing, guys. Please don’t use this weblog as a forum to slander Erica. She is still my wife and I am doing all I can to keep my heart pried open for her, though I am fast losing hope that she’ll come around. She is also still, and will always be, the mother of my child. I know that you all support me but please don’t express it in a manner that is ugly to her.
I love you all.
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