Damn, it's been a week now . . .
since I started writing again and no one else has checked in. I am half tempted to send you all cell phone texts and say hey, look at me! I'm blogging again! but I won't. I'll just sit back here and put words down and just see how long it takes someone to notice.
Mark, you were the best about posting when no one else was. Have you given up too?
I don't know why I didn't write for such a long time. For me, writing is a mood thing. Don't get me wrong, I can write if I'm not in the mood, but it'll be crap. Writing is no fun unless I'm inspired or motivated to write. When I feel that way, writing becomes a form of catharsis to me. Anyway though, for some reason, I just haven't felt like it. God knows, there is plenty going on with me but I just haven't wanted to write about it. As most of you know, I do have a girlfriend and her name is Michelle. We have been dating since September. She's 36 years-old and has 2 little girls, Madison and Cassidy who are 7 and 5 years-old, respectively. I would post a photo of her but I had to uninstall the "Hello" program a few months ago. Plus, I don't have any decent photos of her yet, anyway. So far, the only one to meet her has been Christian, when he came down here a few months ago. Wait a minute, I'm going to try something . . .
Well, I'll be damned, it worked! Either that photo icon at the top of the menu bar is new or I have just never noticed it before. Anyway, this is Michelle and me at the Jags-Colts game last month. This was taken with a disposable camera then put on a disc so it isn't that great of a photo, but whatthe hell. Here's a photo of me and Christian when I took him to the Jags-Texans game:
Shit! Now it won't work. Oh well, I'll post it later.
One bad thing that is preoccupying me is that I am worried about Courtney. She has always been my little girl and has always come to me when she's been bothered by something. Now, she won't. My "daddy antenna" tells me that there's something bothering her but she keeps denying it. I think that it may be just that she's getting older (she'll be a teenager in a year and a half) and I remember Megan's personality changed at this age too, so I try not to obsess over it too much.
You all know the story about how my marraige ended. Erica basically burned her life down because she didn't want to abandon all of her work friends, including her paramour, and come with me to Florida. Well, she had a nice lifestyle with me but she only makes like $12 an hour so you can all imagine what her life is like now. Even with the very handsome child support checks, she can barely make ends meet in a little apartment. She made her bed hard and though I don't take any satisfaction in how she's living, I do think it is just. But, I HATE like hell that Courtney has to lay in that bed with her. I know she's sick of apartments and wants a house again with a neighborhood with friends and all like she used to have. What's bugging me I guess is the guilt. I did everything I could to keep my family together, but in the end I failed. Still, I feel guilty because I live well and my daughter doesn't. When I asked her if she missed Florida, she said yes. When I asked her what about Florida she missed (thinking she would say me or the beach) she said "my bedroom in your house." I am planning on taking Michelle to Mobile for Mardi Gras next month and I feel guilty telling Courtney about it. I know it's not right to feel this way, but I can't help it.
Anyway, I have to get to work guys. Maybe one day, someone will read this.
Mark, you were the best about posting when no one else was. Have you given up too?
I don't know why I didn't write for such a long time. For me, writing is a mood thing. Don't get me wrong, I can write if I'm not in the mood, but it'll be crap. Writing is no fun unless I'm inspired or motivated to write. When I feel that way, writing becomes a form of catharsis to me. Anyway though, for some reason, I just haven't felt like it. God knows, there is plenty going on with me but I just haven't wanted to write about it. As most of you know, I do have a girlfriend and her name is Michelle. We have been dating since September. She's 36 years-old and has 2 little girls, Madison and Cassidy who are 7 and 5 years-old, respectively. I would post a photo of her but I had to uninstall the "Hello" program a few months ago. Plus, I don't have any decent photos of her yet, anyway. So far, the only one to meet her has been Christian, when he came down here a few months ago. Wait a minute, I'm going to try something . . .
Well, I'll be damned, it worked! Either that photo icon at the top of the menu bar is new or I have just never noticed it before. Anyway, this is Michelle and me at the Jags-Colts game last month. This was taken with a disposable camera then put on a disc so it isn't that great of a photo, but whatthe hell. Here's a photo of me and Christian when I took him to the Jags-Texans game:
Shit! Now it won't work. Oh well, I'll post it later.
One bad thing that is preoccupying me is that I am worried about Courtney. She has always been my little girl and has always come to me when she's been bothered by something. Now, she won't. My "daddy antenna" tells me that there's something bothering her but she keeps denying it. I think that it may be just that she's getting older (she'll be a teenager in a year and a half) and I remember Megan's personality changed at this age too, so I try not to obsess over it too much.
You all know the story about how my marraige ended. Erica basically burned her life down because she didn't want to abandon all of her work friends, including her paramour, and come with me to Florida. Well, she had a nice lifestyle with me but she only makes like $12 an hour so you can all imagine what her life is like now. Even with the very handsome child support checks, she can barely make ends meet in a little apartment. She made her bed hard and though I don't take any satisfaction in how she's living, I do think it is just. But, I HATE like hell that Courtney has to lay in that bed with her. I know she's sick of apartments and wants a house again with a neighborhood with friends and all like she used to have. What's bugging me I guess is the guilt. I did everything I could to keep my family together, but in the end I failed. Still, I feel guilty because I live well and my daughter doesn't. When I asked her if she missed Florida, she said yes. When I asked her what about Florida she missed (thinking she would say me or the beach) she said "my bedroom in your house." I am planning on taking Michelle to Mobile for Mardi Gras next month and I feel guilty telling Courtney about it. I know it's not right to feel this way, but I can't help it.
Anyway, I have to get to work guys. Maybe one day, someone will read this.
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