ARGH!

Okay guys, you're all my brothers and I love y'all but you must know one thing about me and that is this: misspellings, bad grammar and misused punctuation drive me absolutely fucking insane. I know this makes me seem like an annoying know-it-all asshole and I'm sorry, but I can't help it. Seeing this kind of shit is like listening to a pianist hit a wrong note during a solo. Dad and I used to have arguments because of his habit of mangling the language. For instance, when talking about books, he would habitually say "arthur" instead of "author." You all know what I'm talking about, too. It drove me nuts; like listening to someone scratch a chalkboard. Well, dad's gone, so now I get to direct my ire at you guys.

So without further ado, we have bitch number one, the ellipses. This is the punctuation that indicates a pause in your thought. It is shown by placing three periods one after the other, preferrably with a space between each one. If you're using it to end a thought then you may use four of them, the last one being the period that ends the sentence. You can even take the spaces out and run all the periods together like this (...)and it'll still be okay but you MUST use periods, no fewer than three and no more than fore of them.

Jesus on a bicycle guys, is that so fucking hard? Mark and Mike, both of you seem to think it's okay to use only two periods in an ellipses. Well, it's not. Robbie, I've seen you use as many as five periods before and one time I swear to God you used commas (a shitload of them too) to make one.

Lemme tell you guys, I am extremely old-school about shit like this. There ain't gonna be any of this touch-feely "punctuation as a form of expression" horseshit around these parts. Oh no. You boys are just lucky I'm not in the room with you, else I'd be criticizing your new fur coats and slapping your hands for sure.

So please, for the love of God, show the poor ellipses some respect.