Monday, August 30, 2004

Casual Friday



This reminds me of that scene in Bad Santa. "Hell no, I won't go with you, Willy. Last time, I couldn't shit right for a week!"

And if y'all don't know what I'm talking about, don't ask.

I saw Badder Santa about a month ago and, frankly, hated it. However, I've noticed that I keep remembering bits of it and chuckling to myself. It's one of those movies like Ace Ventura that are funnier in retrospect than they are when you watch them.

And no, I do not have a thing for fat girls, though the person who emails these pictures to me obviously does.

Ooh, sorry, the answer's Lincoln!

Your pathetic attenpt to seem witty has blown up in your face, Robbie. It has thrown down your pants and taunted you, like the pathetic little boy you are!

Actually you're right about everything except the movie. It's from "Nice Dreams." That was notorious for (a) being a really bad movie - even by Cheech & Chong standards - and (b) for being the movie that foist Pee Wee Herman on us all. For that alone, Cheech & Chong should burn.

"I'm really not sorry! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

And the answer is...

Cheech and Chong's "Up in Smoke" and for extra credit, the line was said by Stacey Keach, a.ka.a. Sargeant Hard Hat.

Hey Bros,

Well, we closed on the beach house on Friday. I'm sure that we are really going to enjoy it once the work is done. Basically, the entire inside needs painting, all the furniture and appliances are 30 years old and need replacing, the carpet and boards underneath are rotted and there is some minor sheetrock repair needed. Oh, and the deck railing needs replacing. Other than that, it's in perfect condition!

It actually reminds me of the show, "Extreme Makeover, Home Edition" The whole process should be a lot of fun. I tell you guys, my lovely wife is in her element running this project. It's amazing to watch her go. From bargain shopping for decorations, to managing our little crew, she is going to make our place a little paradise. You are all welcome any time. Just keep in mind that if you come by during the month of September, you might get a paint brush or a hammer put in your hand.

Another thing that might be of interest to you guys (since we all have an interest in real estate investing) was the purchasing process. I actually used a few of the techniques that I learned from the Carlton Sheet's course to dramatically lower my up front costs. Basically, I offered a reasonable price for the house up front, which the owner accepted. Then I did a thorough walk through and spotted things that would need replacing, so I asked for cash at closing. Then the inspector pointed out several things that needed repair, so I got an additional amount. Then I had my mortgage broker increase the sales price on paper and show that the seller would contribute 3% to the closing cost (the max allowed). Total closing cost = <$5K.

Friday, August 27, 2004

To catch a doper, you must think like a doper. And to think like a doper, you have to become a doper

So you pulled the trigger on that beach house, huh? Cool. I look forward to the pictures. Not that this gets you off my shit list, mind you. Oh no Rob, my foot and your ass now have an appointment. Seriously, kudos on the beachhouse.

Mark, hope you and Nat enjoy Mexico. Erica and I went to Nuevo Laredo earlier this summer and found it to be a complete shithole. But it's "real Mexico" if you know what I mean. The kind of place that serves only to provide cheap beer to Texan jueros like me and ditch diggers for our dad. Playa Del Carmen is a lot more touristy, though, so you'll enjoy it. As for posting hyperlinks, I don't know but I'll bet the Blogger help menu would show you how.

Mikey, think you'll be able to make it to Megan's party?

God, but I'm under some stress at work now. The only good thing about it is that it's fueling my workouts so I've been hitting the iron like a maniac lately. But back to work, I'm actually having to look for an apartment in Mobile now because (a) I am sicker than hell of hotels and (b) my expenses are higher than shit. Like $4,000 per month high. An apartment, even a nice one, would be a hell of a lot cheaper. I've got to do that then rent some furniture to put in it in the next week. Fun fun fun.

Sorry about the sour mood but hey, we can't be Mr. Fucking Sunshine all the time, can we?

And brownie points to whichever one of you drooling cretins can identify the quote in the title.

Thursday, August 26, 2004

Do you know what it's like....to get kicked in the head....with an iron boot?

James,

Rebekah and I are about 50:50 for next Saturday. We are closing on our beach house tomorrow and will spend the next few available weekends doing projects. Hopefully, the house will be rented out Labor Day weekend ($1,500 if you know of anyone who might be interested) If it is, then we will be there for the party. If it's not, then we are going to be in Galveston.

If we are at the beach, try and make it down. We have room to sleep 10 comfortably. Maybe you guys could come down Sunday night and leave Monday late afternoon.

I'll take some pictures of the house and post next week.

Peace,

R

Commando

Mike and I were talking about that movie several weeks ago, specifically how gay that one scene is!

Well I wish we could be there for Megan's party. Natalie and I are taking a (much needed) vacation to Playa Del Carmen.

BTW, how do we hyperlink on here?

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

Announcements

Erica wanted me to email this to y'all but I don't have your email addresses here in 'Bama so I thought I'd just post it instead. For the H'Town Coops, we are having a birthday party for Megan at Mom's house on Saturday, 9/4/04 at 3:00 pm. This will be for her 18th birthday (yes, you read that right) and, if I don't see y'all there, asses will be kicked.

You've been warned.

Secondly, there was a movie that came out about 10 years ago where Quentin Tarantino had a cameo. He was at a party arguing with someone - convincingly too - that "Top Gun" was a gay movie. On the surface it was an action movie about fighter pilots but underneath it was about a man coming to terms with his homosexuality. I can't remember the movie's name but I know y'all know what I'm talking about, it's where we got the immortal line "go the gay way, man." Well, last night I found a website that reviews 80's action movies and points out the gay subtext in all of them. The damned thing is that it's extremely well written and funny as all hell. I laughed so hard that I got a headache. Here's the reviewer's deconstruction of one of my favorite Arnold movies from back then, "Commando:"

When Arnold's old commander comes to tell Die Governator that somebody is killing all of his old men, Schwarzenegger sneaks up behind him and puts a hard gun in his back. The commander says, "Silent and smooth--just like always." Is that what straight men say when another dude sticks 'em with something hard from behind? Didn't think so. Arnold also of course picks up another man by his balls. And, for God knows what reason, Arnold is in a speedo for at least four minutes. Just paddling around in a boat.

But, you can't talk about the amazing gayness of Commando without mentioning Bennett. In fact, if I ever go back to school, I will write a paper detailing how the late twentieth/early twenty-first century embracing of homosexuality stems from Vernon Wells' portrayal of this particular character. After I'm done, West Hollywood will be renamed "Vernon Wells." Where to even start... Bennett spends nearly the entire movie wearing the following outfit:

Leather pants
A black, sleeveless T-shirt
A chain mail vest
A large belt that turns said chain mail into a little skirt
Fingerless leather gloves
A dog chain choker
A flat top
A push broom moustache
A leather belt that he wore around the chain mail vest, making it seem as if he were wearing a skirt.

Basically your standard leather-daddy get up, minus the cop hat. His Australian accent doesn't help things much. But what really sent my gaydar off the chart was the following exchange between Arnold and Mr. Wells:

Arnold: "You can beat me... You want to put a knife in me. Look me in the eyes. See what's going on in there while you turn it. That's what you want to do to me, right? Come on, let the girl go. You and me. Don't deprive yourself of some pleasure. Come on Bennett; let's party."

Bennett: "I don't need the girl--I don't need the girl!!"



If y'all are interested in reading further, and you really should read this guys reviews of the "Rocky" movies - you will piss yourselves - the website is www.ruthlessreviews.com.

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

Spice Channel Olympics



Guys, I think I have a new favorite sport.

Monday, August 23, 2004

Where am I, you ask?



Need I say more?

Too Late

I already visited it before I posted about it. Some peoples' sense of humor just baffles me. What a fallen world we live in.

So where are you now, James "Waldo" Cooper?

Our visitor

. . . doesn't list a URL, even though she invites us to "stop by." She has a Blogger profile, but I wouldn't recommend clicking it.

Did Y'all Notice

That we had a visitor to our site who commented on James' "Hope" post? Do any of you know her or is she anonymous?

Actually, they're Zippo lighters

Yes, dude, they're candles.

There was an event in Berlin recently where they had 10,000 children light 1 million candles. That's what this picture is from. I think it may have been a UN sponsored event for world peace or something.

Now y'all know I'm not a big believer in demonstrations or grand symbolic gestures like this, believing that those are meant more to satisfy some peoples' moral vanity than address or alleviate any real problems. But I just thought there was something special in this photo. A photo of Alec Baldwin or Susan Sarandon hectoring people for their pet cause would make me roll my eyes; however, this photo of an anonymous little girl lighting candles touched me.

Sunday, August 22, 2004

I don't get it..

Are those candles?

Hope



Sometimes a photo really is worth a thousand words.

Friday, August 20, 2004

Hmm, maybe I should be watching the Olympics


Mikey, this one's for you!

I'm posting this right after our conversation. I wholeheartedly support your pursuing this opportunity and wish you nothing but the best from it. We have to do what we're good at in life, Mikey, and what we enjoy doing. So I say go for it.

I being purposefully vague here because I don't know if what you're doing is common knowledge or not.

Funny email

May I sit in that seat?" asked the American soldier.

The French woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans..You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little Fifi is using that seat?"

The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked, "Please lady, may I sit there? I'm very tired."

The French woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant."

The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.

An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window."

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Alabama trailer decor



Because one can never get too much redneck humor. Mark and Mike, keep your chins up. Things will break your way soon.

Centex: The later years..

and the drama continues...

I'm still running leads as they come in up in Dallas, but we've only been getting about one per week. The rest of my time is spent plumbing the job market. My agreement with Dad was to stay on with him until things smoothed over in Waco from the shake-up, then I was going to look for a job while running the Dallas leads that came in from the YP ad. Once I would get a job, that's when we fully and officially pull out of Dallas. I'm making less than a third of what I once was, but it helps nonetheless.

I think I'm going to bite the bullet soon and pre-emptively get off his payroll. There are very few leads up here and my paycheck is starting to feel like charity. I've got a few prospects and Natalie is about to get an offer from a company trying to recruit her away. If she gets it, we'll be able to live on her salary for a while.

Job Hunting

Hey guys, Yeah James I had a pretty good interview with DHL ( the shipping company) yesterday. They are the largest shipping company worldwide and third in the US behind UPS & FedEx. They reciently acuired Airborne Express and are expanding their efforts to obtain more marketshare in the domestic side. Thats where I come in. Basically I would get a territory and base of accounts that use the company for their international shipping and upsale them on the domestic service. The company is great, dude gets a salary, commissions, bonus, car allowance, gas $, 401k matching, travil benefits, etc.. Average 1st year is about 65k. Anyway, like I said the interview went well enough for me to feel confidant. I should be hearing something next week because the regional sales director is out of town till then. Ill keep yall posted on that though.. James, my workouts are progressing pretty good too. Im not near where I was but am getting and feeling stronger.

By golly, he's right. Sometimes, roses really do smell like poo poo!

Hey y’all. Dad called me yesterday with the good news that he thinks he’s got a buyer lined up for the San Antonio building. He also told me that he’s got Fernando running one crew over there pretty regularly too. And to cut down on the bullshit leads, he’s charging people $100 for pier & beam estimates in San Antonio when it looks like there’s not much potential for a sale. In other words, if the house is a run-down dilapidated piece of shit and the people don’t look like they’re likely to have 5 figures in their checking account. The idea is to chase off the bullshit leads for people who are only interested in the lowest possible price.

He also told me that he had a sales meeting the other day. Both Jim and Tom (2 of his estimators) called and said that they couldn’t make it. Jim had car trouble and I think he told me Tom overslept. So, sweetheart that he is, Dad fired both of them. I laughed my ass off when he told me that. Jeez, what a fucking hardass! And I don’t mean that in a disparaging way, either. Y’all are going to think I’m crazy for saying this, but sometimes I kind of miss working for Dad. Say what you want to about him, he always told the truth as he saw it (which admittedly, didn’t always agree with the way I saw it) and you always knew where you stood with him.

Coming back into adjusting after 3 years away, I sometimes feel like the business has been taken over by a bunch of touch-feely types who want to bend every rule so as to not be too confrontational with claimants. I’m talking about my clients more so than I am my colleagues here. Now, I don’t believe in picking unnecessary fights with people and if you can catch more flies with sugar than vinegar, so be it, but the sad fact is that this business is adversarial by its nature. And sometimes that means that you have to tell people to fuck off a few times before you can tell them what they want to hear. If some asshole’s got the idea in his head that his toe injury is worth $50,000.00 you’re not going to convince him otherwise with a soothing tone of voice and a smile on your face.

I don’t know, maybe it’s always been that way and the 3 years with Centex has just changed my perspective on things. What do y’all think?

And Mikey, we haven't heard from you lately. Mom tells me you're interviewing. How's that going?

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Happy birthday to mom!

Don't forget to call her, guys.

Monday, August 16, 2004

The Coolest Throwback

James, you're a gayrod for even posting that pic! He looks like Scott Weiland winning the award for illegal substance abuse.

That car in the picture is actually a Chevy Malibu, 68 I think. It is Dan's toy. He fires it up occasionally and it sounds awesome. That pic was this past Saturday. I walked outside and there Lillian was, gripping the wheel, sitting in Dan's lap!

Anyway, I've never caught an episode of the Surreal Life. I heard it was funny and it makes you pity those guys. Speaking of throwbacks, I was browsing iTunes the other day and I found some great iMix's. IMx's are user compilations of random music. The one I found was called the Golden Age of Hip-Hop. It threw be back to the late 80s/early 90s. One group in particular that epitomized the era was a group called "3rd Bass". One white/black guy (he's white, but with a high top afro with 3rd Bass shaved into his head) called M.C. Serch, and an all white guy named Prime Minister Pete Nice. These guys were from Brooklyn and they have the heavy accent. What is cool about them is they didn't take themselves too seriously. One of their favorite pastimes was dogging Vanilla Ice. They did it in a song called "Pop Goes the Weasel" and on another called "The Gas Face" Funny Stuff.

Why I'm not watching the Olympics


But it's not as gay as it looks, you see. This guy's Italian . . . .

Cute pics!

Mornin' guys. Mark, that's great about Lillian! FYI, "da da" was Courtney's first word too.

Also, I'm glad to see that you found a way to post photos to the blog, but your photo server doesn't agree with our old blog format so I changed it. Our format, that is. Great pics, too. Whose car is that, by the way?

Well, I'm in Mobile (surprise surprise) and am suffering from allergies like a sonofabitch. Also, one of our main clients, the one who insisted that I take over their account, is putting some pretty direct pressure on me to move back here full time. I told him offhandedly that I've ruled out coming back to Mobile and I could tell that he wasn't too happy to hear that. I'm beginning to feel my arm being twisted. Oh well, they can twist all they want, but I'm not moving back here. I don't mind coming here to help out because (a) I'm just grateful to have a good job and there's no way I'm going to rock the boat and bitch too much about traveling and (b) there's really no work in San Antonio. But this shit ain't permanent. I love South Alabama but don't want to move back.

Do any of y'all watch The Surreal Life on VH1? Erica and Megan are into it and I watched some of it yesterday. You know, it's not really surprising that formerly-famous people will do just about anything to claw their way back into the public eye. I have heard that people can develop an almost opiate-like addiction to media attention, after all. What is surprising, though, is that a market for that kind of thing exists. Why do we have such an obsession with washed-up celebrities nowadays? And why do we love to watch them humiliate and abase themselves? Erica told me that on an old episode Robbie "Vanilla Ice" Van Winkle made Gary Coleman walk up to Todd Bridges (who played his older brother on Diff'rent Strokes wayyyy back in the day) in a restaurant and mutter his famous line "what choo talkin bout Willis?" to him. Apparently, Mr. Van Winkle is quite the bully, at least to diminutive co-stars like Coleman. She also said that Coleman was so infuriated by that that he stormed out of the diner and vowed to quit the show, but was broke so he had to sponge cab fare off Bridges to even leave. Jeez. I also saw a clip from a previous episode where Ron Jeremy - the original "Man from Nantucket" - snuck up Tammy Faye Bakker and kissed her. Hmm, don't think that would have made The 700 Club's highlight reel.

Back to my own thankfully non-surreal life, my girls started school today. Can y'all believe Megan is a senior is high school?

Shit, neither can I.

Sunday, August 15, 2004

More Pic's of my Girl


Loungin
Originally uploaded by thepork.
Doesn't she look like Garfield here? I took this pic just after Lillian ate a whole lasagna. (not really)

Flossin!

Never too young to roll in tha "six-fow" Impala!


Flossin
Originally uploaded by thepork.

Saturday, August 14, 2004

"Da-Da"

Yesterday was a monumental milestone of a day! My fatherhood was ratified in the mind of my (almost) 7-month old baby. That's right, she called me da da!

We were at Amber and Justin's house, so she said it for a large crowd. Obviously everyone gave her a rousing reaction with a lot of yeah's and clapping, etc. We successfully reinforced it enough that she is saying it again and again this morning.

I'm glowing!

Thursday, August 12, 2004

I spent all day

looking for a job and there aint nothin in this town. Nada! Zip! Zilch!

Yeah, unless you want to work 40 hours per week! PSHHH!

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

Finley Clark Bizjack

Finley Clark Bizjack, my newest nephew on Natalie's side, was born today just after 5:00pm. He weighed 8lbs 3oz and was around 21 inches long. A healthy young sportsman! He, Amber, and Justin are all doing fine (Yes you heard right, Finley is his name).

James, the job search is going good. I seem to turn over a new rock each day. It's a numbers game and every day is a new day. I have in no way lost heart yet. I know these things take time. I'm not really gung-ho about real estate right now. I'm meeting with a recruiter tomorrow about a job. I'm also talking to a company called K-Force that does I.T. staffing on a project basis for large companies.

By the way Rob, I called Keith this past friday and he called me back on Monday. If he doesnt call me by Friday, I'll call him again. Apparently he is getting my resume into the hands of the decision maker for DFW. He's supposed to call me back and tell me what the next step is. I think I've learned all I can about them from their website.

Anyway, I also had a second interview with a company called AVW-TELAV (www.avwtelav.com). They will likely make me an offer, but I will probably hold out for something better. I heard they were low-payers. They asked me at the end of the interview why I wanted the job. In a nutshell, I told them that it depends on the offer whether or not I even wanted the job. I know that sounds cocky, but I half wrote them off already because I heard that you can't make more than 60 busting your anus.

By the way . . .

. . . Mark, how's the job search going?

Time to move on

Mark, my 20th reunion is set for October and I doubt I’ll go, either. I went to my 10th back in ‘94 and honestly, it wasn’t that great. Erica and I sat with old friends like Eric and Richard and their wives and, other than those two, I didn’t really care about seeing anyone else. I spent a lot of time politely smiling at people in a sort of “hey, I know you” kind of way and trying to make conversation with people that I no longer had anything in common with. We all made insincere promises to get back in touch with each other, but of course nothing ever came of it.

Another reason I have decided not to attend the 20th is because the tickets are $175.00 apiece. Fork over $350.00 to see a bunch of people I don’t miss and relive glory days that weren’t really all that glorious? No thanks.

By the way, I love your phrase “moral high chair.”

10 Year Reunion

This weekend marks my 10 year high school reunion. Can you believe it? Quite a milestone. Unfortunately I'm not going. Natalie's sister Amber is having her baby induced this Thursday and we're hanging around for that. But also (I kind of hate to say this), any tiny desire that I had to go was squashed now that my career is in flux. It is as though my intention for going was to strut around with my wife and pictures of Lillian, and tell my story about how successful I became over the decade.

I can scoff at that from my moral high chair, but I must confess it's true. Isn't it true for everyone that goes? Why do we need the admiration of people we only kind of liked in the first place? Why do we define ourselves to the world on the basis of what we do for a living?

"I just can't wait for my ten year reunion. I'm gonna bust through the double-doors. And when I stand on all these tables before you, you will know what all the time was for..." What was John Mayer talking about here anyway?

Monday, August 09, 2004

All your questions answered




Q: Will the Texans be better?
A: Undoubtably. For the first time in franchise history, they will not start a single rookie on Offense.

Q: Did they make any significant off-season acquisitions?
A: Yes, Robaire Smith will start at RT. End. He was a free agent from Tennessee. Todd Wade is a free agent tackle who started for 3 years at Miami. The Texans had 2 first round picks that they used on devensive players. Dunta Robinson is a CB from South Carolina, he will start and allow Marcus Coleman to move to free safety. Jason Babin is an outside LB from Eastern Michigan. Both will start.

Q: Will Capers get in any hot water if the Texans do not perform.
A: They would really have to fuck up for Dom to get in any trouble. Both the owner, Bob McNair and the GM, Charlie Casserly, are very pleased with where the team is at this point and the direction. There is no mandate to make the playoffs this year. I think that playing .500 is a reasonable expectation.

There you have it!

Saturday, August 07, 2004

Man, that shit was true!

Mark, that was beautiful. You said it all, man. You said it all.

A bit of advice though about the little ones. I had to learn this the hard way, but no matter how frustrated you get trying to coax that booger out, you should NOT try to dislodge it by propping the little 'un on your lap and whacking them on the back of the head. Trust me, the baby will cry, your wife will get really mad at you and start screaming and shit, and, well, it's just not a good idea. Hear me dude, I'm givin ya pearls here.

The heimlich maneuver really isn't ideal for pushing boogers out, either.

Robbie, do you think the Texans will better this year? Have they made any acquisitions this off-season who can lend immediate help or are they still committed to building the team through the draft? Lastly, do you think Capers will be in any danger of losing his job if the team doesn't break .500?

More Profound Wisdom

You can pick your friends, as well you can pick your nose.

But alas, you CAN in fact pick your friend's nose. Though socially unnacceptable, it IS physically possible.

Unless you're friend is a 6-month old baby. That little booger is hard to reach without stretching her little baby nostrils beyond their plastic limit..

Friday, August 06, 2004

It IS people..

that make the difference. Little people, like yourselves. That's why I'm enrolling you all in the jelly of the month club. Now THAT's the gift that keeps on givin!

Unfrozen pundit speaks!

Rob, your knowledge of sports frightens and confuses me. See, I’m just a caveman. I was walking along, minding my own business pondering the chances of the Neanderthal Party in the upcoming election of 23,602 BC when suddenly I fell in some ice. There I slept until your scientists thawed me a few years ago.

But one thing I DO know is that if anyone can take a bunch of rejects and has-beens and make them into a formidable football team, it’s Bill Parcells!

You see, in my world Rob, people matter more than athletic talent. Thank you, thank you.

poem

.. Here's to the girl in the little red shoes
She likes the liquor, she likes the booze
She lost her cherry, but its no sin
She's still got the box that the cherry came in!

Sorry I wanted to write something important but its Friday so what can you do? Hope everyone has a good day. Rob, what are you doing tonight?

Thursday, August 05, 2004

Rasta Ricky Williams

Dude, you're not going to believe this but Ricky Williams retired from the NFL so that he can smoke reefer and not worry about being tested. Rumor has it that he recently failed a drug test and was about to be suspended.

BTW, did you hear that the Cowboys just cut Quincy Carter for failing a team administered drug test? That means that they are going into the season with Vinny Testeverde as their starter. Dallas is going to be an interesting team to watch. They are either going to be a very solid veteran team or a buch of over the hill has beens. Their offence consists of Vinny at QB, Eddie George at RB and Keyshaun Johnson at WR.

Hell, it wouldn't supprise me if they tried to pick up Tim Brown. He just got waived by Oakland. He's only 38. Speaking of Tim Brown, remember when he was at Notre Dame and they played A&M in the 86 Cotton Bowl? Good ole Warren Barhorst (for the younger Coop bros, this guy grew up in Rolling Fork) was on the 12th man and he stole Tim's towel on a return, then Tim tried to kick his ass on National TV. That was awesome!

As for Iron Mike, he apparently ripped his ACL in the first round. You have to give the guy some credit. He continued to fight for 3 more rounds when most of us would have curled up in the fetal position and cried like a bitch. Some sleazy promoter is going to use that as an excuse for the loss, try to convice the public that Mike is still dangerous and trot him back into the ring until he gets carried out in a stretcher. Hell, what else is the dude going to do. He's only made like $350 Million in his career and is still $38 Million in debt.

Questions for the sports fan

Because all politics all the time gets really really old - even for me . . .

Robbie, why did Ricky Williams retire? I don't follow the NFL like I used to so I don't know his story. Did he have a chronic injury hobbling him or what? He always seemed to me to be on the verge of really breaking through and becoming a real superstar, but just couldn't quite get there. Man, I still remember watching that UT-A&M game at your house back in '99 or '00 watching him run thru A&M like a runaway locomotive. God, we thought he was the next Earl Campbell. What happened?

And I read this weekend that Mike Tyson had his ass pounded into the canvas by another Englishman. Do you think we've finally seen the end of him?

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

A reminder



As bad as things may be, they could always be worse!

Bounce

A sharp increase or uptick in approval ratings. Candidates historically go out of their convention with a 5 to 15 point increase in their approval ratings. Usually it's evanescent, and the "bounce" evaporates soon thereafter, but sometimes it's permanent. In 92, Clinton was practically unheard of until after his convention when, benefiting from Perot's quitting the race just as he was wrapping up, he went up 15 points practically overnight and went on to bury Bush I.

Nobody can explain why Kerry didn't benefit from his convention but the fact that he got no bounce from it bodes ill for his chances, to put it mildly.

Explain "Bounce" please?

Wouldja?

More photoshop fun



I’m not trying to stick my finger in anyone’s eye or anything (Robbie!) I just thought this was funny as hell.

If you guys want a good laugh, go to allahpundit.com, where I got this photoshop. Click any of the “deano” links on the right. Make sure your bladder’s empty, though, before you do because you will piss yourself laughing.

Glavin!

Tuesday, August 03, 2004

MILFs run rampant!



While perusing the news, trying to keep myself awake (yes, it's almost 9:00 pm and I'm at work) I read that Phillippines' knuckling under to the Iraqi terrorists last week has already begun to bear bitter fruit. According to the report, the Mindanao Islamic Liberation Front is importing thousands of small arms and mortars to the islands and a lot of people think the Phillippines is about to erupt in civil war. Some are questioning if this sudden liquidity of the terrorists evidenced by this shopping spree is due to the 6 million dollar ransom paid by the Phillippine government.

The article referred to the Phillippine insurgents by both their name and their acronym, MILF. You heard that right, the MILFs are bringing in guns and all hell's about to break loose over there.

Though I confess that the mental image of MILFs like Sela Ward, Rachel Hunter and this gal running around with guns does kind of take my breath away, it's not out of fear . . . .

Yes, but the scorpion can be crushed under foot!

Dude, what's "demplomacy?"

Back to the swamp, to stretch this poor analogy beyond its breaking point, I would argue that, despite provoking the ire of the neighbors, the heroic farmer who wades into the muck to drain the swamp is still doing the right thing. It may not be the popular thing to do, but it is the right thing. There is a crucial difference there that I think a lot of us forgot while enjoying our vacation from history during the 1990’s.

And that’s a factor you can’t ignore, right there Brent!

Rob, I know you’re not a loony lefty. I never implied that I thought you were, nor do I think all who support John Kerry are. And what I am proposing is not ethnic cleansing unless that’s what you want to call killing people who would gladly take the opportunity to kill us first if we let them. That’s not ethnic cleansing, in my book; it’s simply taking the fight to the enemy. That’s what you have to do to win a war.

Anyone else notice how Kerry got absolutely no “bounce” from his convention? Any ideas why?

Alligators

To go with your gator analogy James, If I lived near a swamp with a bunch of animal rights activist neighbors that objected to draining the swamp and killing all of the gators and so I then decided to go it alone and take em all down myself, I'd have to deal with some severe consequences. Like all of the gators fixating on my house. And gators coming over from other swamps to join the jihad against me. In essence what you are proposing is a form of ethnic cleansing. Look, I'm not a pinko liberal. I realize that some people can never be rehabilitated. However, our actions are causing us to lose the battle for the hearts and minds of an entire race of people. I think that the lesson here is that demplomacy is hard. But we live in an interdependent world and we can't afford to dismiss our allies so quickly. With all of our resources, we could have swayed the rest of the world. It would have taken time and patience. Something that Bush seems to lack.

There is an entire generation of people that associate democracy, social freedoms, technology and even prosperity as western, therefore evil. Sure there are going to be pockets of thinking people over there that will clamor for the type of things that we are trying to provide in Iraq, however most of the Mideast is going to view anthing positive that comes out of this as tainted fruit.

Mark, I'm glad that you have faith that all of this mess serves some higher purpose. I don't. While it's true that you can always find the moral lesson in any tradgedy, like the fire that burned off my arms and face has taught me to appreciate inner beauty. To me, God gets off easy on this one. He get's credit for everything that is beautiful and good, but bears no responsibility for the ugliness and atrocities that occur in the world. You're right, man does have free will. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

I heard a comedian on TV say that he believes in Karma. That if you do something bad, that something bad will happen to you. So he would go up to a complete stranger and punch him in the gut and ask, "Now what did you do to deserve that?" I don't know what that had to do with what I was writing about, but I thought it was funny.

Our generation's gut check

Mark, this may surprise you to hear this from me but I don't necessarily think that our generation is really any weaker in our resolve than previous generations. I understand that argument and even sympathize with it to an extent, but ultimately think that it's a little too easy. We are certainly different than previous generations, and Lord knows we're more opinionated too, but as to being stronger or weaker, well . . . I think we're probably stronger than even we yet realize.

The difference I think is something like this: unlike the WW2 generation and previous ones, we live in the era of the non-stop 24-hour news cycle. Unlike the 1940's, there's no time for reflection before we see inflammatory images splashed across our screens and newspapers. There's no time for reflection or attempt to put things into any kind of historical perspective. We see pictures of Abu Ghraib and immediately think back to movies like "Platoon" and all the old baby killer myths about Vietnam without acknowledging the ugly truth that war is a bad business and that it always has been. However, as hard as it is to think clearly in this environment, especially with a news media that isn't as neutral as it claims to be, we seem to be doing a pretty good job. Despite the relentlessly negative spin put out by CBS and the New York Times on the war's progress, and the shrieking of the Michael Moores of the world, I don't think we'll puss out (a-la Spain and The Philippines) and quit the battlefield.

Despite the cacophony, I think the images of people leaping from the burning towers are still fresh enough in most peoples' minds that we'll manage to keep the fortitude to see this thing through to the bitter end, no matter how many soldiers and marines we lose, or how many poor civilians we have murdered. That's just war, guys. It's horrible and heartbreaking but if this is the price that we have to pay to ensure that we never have to endure another 9/11, then we have to do it.

We have seen the teeth of the alligator and we remember it.

Monday, August 02, 2004

One more thing...

The events that unfold here and abroad are not outside of the Master's plan. Maybe we are the instruments of God for a part of His plan for that area? The OT is full of examples of how God used pagans, thieves, and Idolaters to carry things out. Why not America? Of course this is not a pleasant question to pose. If you ask this, you have to face the inevitable question: What if God was using the terrorists to punish America on 9/11? A dead end arguement because we can never know.

As a thinking Christian, I find the paradox of the soverignty of God co-existing with the free will of man to be so mind boggling. I believe, at the end of the day, that we cause a lot of bad things (fruit of our own free will), but God in his soverignty uses them for his good purposes in the end.

Considering not Bush? Why not Nader?

My boy James is wicked smaaat..

James, if only I could see a liberal anti-war activist's face while he/she reads your post! I don't claim to have the depth of understanding in international affairs that you do, but as a mainstream whitebread God-fearin apple-pie lovin Chevrolet drivin middle-class American, here's what I know (humor me):

Our society is much weaker in its resolve than in previous decades. Call it post-modernism, relativism, whatever you want. People nowadays are inclined to believe that people are not "alligators", people are people. They don't see the depth of hatred that breeds people into practicing mass murder. Rather they see a struggling Iraqi mother of four innocent harmless children caught in coalition crossfire. Why? The media. They've pulled on our heartstrings for so long that we are now a bunch of tender-hearted "peace-be-to-all" wishy washy people.

We always, always have to take the High Road, but we really don't know what the High Road looks like. Kerry is doing a good job convincing people that Bush took the low road in Iraq. Good, bad or indifferent that's what Kerry seems to be doing. I hope Bush wins too, only because change during a time of war can't be good.

Four more years!

The problem with the invasion of Iraq was not the invasion itself, which I think was a morally justified, albeit long overdue, coup de grace for the first Persian Gulf War, but that its rationale didn’t lend itself readily to soundbites or pithy justifications. That’s why I object to the term “Iraq War.” I think Iraq Battle is more accurate.

Most people forget that our involvement against the Nazis in WW2 began with our invasion of Algeria, a French colony that was being administered by the puppet Vichy government. We went there first because our army wasn’t yet battle tested and we wanted to take an easy pawn off the board. We also wanted to lend assistance to the British who were having their asses handed to them by Rommel’s Afrika Corps in Egypt. There was no “Algeria War.” Algeria was only the American debut in what was to be a horribly long and destructive war. Algeria was taken because it was, in a sense, low-hanging fruit.

That’s why we started with Iraq. Saddam had been a problem for decades; he had murdered hundreds of thousands of his own people, invaded three of his neighbors and shot at our planes over the no-fly zones on a daily basis. He also tried to engineer the assassination a former U.S. president. And he was, liberal hyperventilating notwithstanding, a devotee of WMD’s. The fact that we didn’t find them is unfortunate, but I think the intelligence lapse is forgivable in light of the fact that the British, French and even the Russians all thought they were there, too. Saddam had them before, had even used them, and was trying to get them again. I call that, if not an imminent, than certainly an impending danger.

Guys, though it isn’t nice to say this in polite company, we really are in a war of civilizations. And don’t tell me that the radical Muslims we’re fighting are only a fringe sect, and not representative of “mainstream” Islam. Don’t tell me that when even American Muslims can’t bring themselves to unequivocally denounce Islamic terrorism. We are at war with a malignant culture that has sprung up in a cesspool of despotism, religious fanaticism, and state engineered hatred of the West all fueled on oil wealth. This is the culture that succors al-Qaeda. The only way we can end this fight is to show the Muslims a way out of the darkness. That’s why Iraq is so important. We have to show not the governments but the people of the Mideast that the way to better their lives involves freeing them so they can work to build better countries for themselves, not strapping on bomb vests and blowing up infidels for the greater glory of Allah. The way to do that is to prop up Iraq until its new government can stand on its own. When the Iraqis turn their country around, when they freely elect their own leaders and begin to earn and enjoy the prosperity that will surely follow, THEN it is hoped that the people of Syria and Iran and others will begin to agitate for the same freedoms from their leaders.

That, in a nutshell, is why I think we went into Iraq.

To use another analogy, Rob, let’s say that we all live in a town on the edge of a swamp. Let’s also say that this swamp breeds alligators that occasionally come into our town and devour our children. Do we limit our response to posting guards to keep vigil on the swamp and simply react to each alligator as it appears (trusting that we’ll see them all before they can eat someone else) or do we do the right thing and drain the swamp? Draining the swamp is scary. It’s fraught with peril and it is assumed that the alligators will fight to defend their domain and that some more of our people will thus die in the effort. But it’s still the right thing to do.

Changing minds on a grand scale like this is never easy and never quick. But to try is still the right thing to do. Until John Kerry can convince me that he takes this responsibility seriously and that he won’t cut and run, I will not consider voting for him. Simply offering platitudes about his Vietnam service over and over ad infinitum, as he’s been doing thus far, won’t do it.

BTW, about "working with allies like the French" is a non-starter. Even Joe Lieberman has said that Chirac wouldn't have cooperated with us no matter how low we bowed to him.

President John F. Kerry

I'll tell you why that I think that JFK is going to be our next President. The Bush camp is looking worse and worse for going to war with Iraq. They have not been able to sell thier story of why Iraq was a clear and present danger. History may one day show that it was the appropriate first step in the war on Islamic radicalism, but right now, most people see us being there as a major debacle. Before the invasion, I heard several people on shows like CNN talk about how if we weren't careful that we could win the war and lose the peace. At the time it just sounded like liberal claptrap, but lo and behold...No WMD's, unlike Iraq today, the old Iraq was not one of the breeding grounds for Islamic fervor. Sure, Saddam was probably funding some of those whackos, but was there a real cause for an invasion? What we have done, post 911 has played into the hands of those that are trying to create an us vs. them scenario.

If we had taken a different path and worked with our allies, even France, to fight Al Queda in a more precise way and try and settle the Isreali/Palestinian mess, then GWB would probably have approval ratings in the 70% range right now. I guess that I'm one of the 8% of undecideds out there. I never thought that I wouldn't vote for Bush but I'm really thinking about it.

Sunday, August 01, 2004

Do you want to know why I don't like you?

I'll tell you in two words: "Disco Express."

Robbie, if you ever listen to any of the internet radio stations on SBC Yahoo, Launch has one called - I shit you not - "Booty Time." More proof that life imitates Ford Fairlane!